/writings/

Official blog and geeky manifesto of The Ruku

Not even Swarley can save this shit

June 19th, 2010 Posted in Entertainment, Rants, Sights and Sounds
Jun, 19 2010
2 Comments »

So I finished making my overly busty Age of Conan character when I logged onto Facebook and saw this:

Really Sony? Really?!

Don’t get me wrong. I love those little blue bastards, even if they were communists. But I don’t want to see “our world” getting smurfed.

If a Smurfs movie has to be done, as someone who is a film enthusiast, pop culture junkie and aspiring director; I want this shit done right. I want the Smurf village, I want Gargamel, I want Johann and that other little dude…

"I want my shirts laundered"

If done right, a Smurfs movie would kick ass and I will be reserving final judgement until I see it. But going by that trailer, I don’t think even Dr. Horrible himself could do any sort of science to save this pile of crap.

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A piece of advice for those who don’t deserve it

March 31st, 2010 Posted in Rants
Mar, 31 2010
1 Comment »

NB: Might do this as a video on my YouTube channel. Will post here for the lazy fucks who can’t be bothered reading or would prefer something more humourous as opposed to callous and snarky.

The complete defeatist attitude in people these days is fucking insane.

There’s a saying I heard many a moon ago that you can’t help those who won’t help themselves…Or something like that. It was about me, so I decided to tune out and play Team Fortress 2 until they were finished bitching me out.

Thing is, the more I encounter people who fit this description, the more I want to throw my hands up and say “fuck it, you’re on your own”. In this entry, this is where I do that. A nice big “fuck off” to people who I can’t be fucked encouraging, helping, or generally being of any service to. Sure, we can still talk, just don’t expect me to play advice columnist because frankly, you won’t help yourself, so what’s the fucking point?. Whether you’re too set in your ways, too stupid, or too proud to take any advice into consideration is beyond my knowledge.

So keep making your excuses, keep saying “it’s too hard”, keep saying “I can’t do anything”. Fuck off already.

The real kicker is this: I am one of you. I am a nearly-25 year old whingy emo douchebag who cries at the end of movies(okay, one. Terminator 2, which was badass, so I feel I’m forgiven by manly men everywhere) who thinks constantly “why do I bother? I’ll never achieve anything I set out to do” and yet, I have achieved most things on my bucket list and set out on doing some more this year.

Me, someone who indulges in “Depresso lattes” almost on a monthly basis is telling you how pathetic, defeatist and fucking annoying you are. Wow, you really must suck.

A depresso latte: Like this, but black and garnished with the tears of emo cuntrags. At least, it's staying black until something darker comes along

Shit, there are some people out there who I was very close to, who -last I checked, all but fucking homeless with pretty much zero income. You know what they did? They weighed up their options, put on their adult pants and fucking got on with it. You’re not about to be trumped by some hobo, are you?

This guy is better than you.

So where do I get off telling you how to do things? I’ll explain via an example: 2009 was a shitty fucking year for all involved in my circle of friends it seems. I went through two relatively messy breakups, lost a friend, my father was diagnosed with major depression and had to stay at a mental ward in Sydney, had one of my relatives pass away and got into a metric fuckton of debt, in order to get out of a metric fuckton of debt. You know what I did? I had my moment, and kept on keeping on. I sat down and -with tears in my eyes and The Cure playing on Windows Media Player, I wrote, thought and reflected.

You know what I realized? In spite of all the shit that was (and sometimes, still is) going on, life isn’t that bad. I’m still (kinda) young and it’s not the end of the world just yet.

If you’re depressed, seek help from a professional. If you’re fat/unhealthy and aren’t too happy about it, go on a diet and/or exercise, if you don’t have a job, find someone who will hire you and lastly, If your life is indeed that shit that it’s “not worth living”, make it into something that is. I could go on giving advice to you shitsmears, but at the end of the day, if you do nothing, you’ll achieve nothing. That’s really all you need to take from this.

Also, don’t assume the “making something from nothing” maxim is something I’m pulling out of my arse. There are various situations where some average schlub managed to become a self-made person.

In saying this, I don’t have all the answers. If I did, I’d be writing this knowing millions of people will view it, not just the three or four who will click the link on Facebook. What you should do is start questioning what you want out of life and go and make it happen. Whinging to a text box on MSN doesn’t do shit, especially to me.

In closing, a message for those who do deserve help? Keep up the good work and keep on keeping on. Don’t take this as a completely selfish “I don’t give a fuck about anyone but myself” stance. I think Bioshock is the closest I’m getting to becoming an Ayn Rand enthusiast…

….At least until I’m loaded enough to build an underwater city.

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Guitar Zeroes

January 12th, 2009 Posted in Entertainment, Gaming, Rants
Jan, 12 2009
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You know what’s awesome? Guitar Hero.

While flailing away on a plastic guitar might seem pretty lame to those who haven’t played, those who do know that the experience is pretty awesome. Doubly so for the current iterations of the game, Rock Band, and Guitar Hero: World Tour which incorporates drums and a microphone into the mix, allowing you and a couple of friends to climb the ranks in rock godliness.

Record companies are loving the games too, with a reported increase in sales of songs featured in the game. Hell, I’ve bought a couple of CD’s just because “a song was on Guitar Hero”…

…However, it’s not all kittens and rainbows, apparently. Despite the desperately needed increase in sales, record companies feel they’re got getting enough money from the music rights, according to the LA Times.

My first reaction is a pretty resounding “what the hell?”, at a reported $25,000 to use a master recording for the game, and $10,000 for a cover, I don’t really see the record companies losing out much here. Sure, it’s not even scratching the surface of the millions of dollars they might earn, but it’s still money Bobby-Joe average never really gets to see. Not to mention the fact that music companies are seeking a 4 to 8 cent royalty for every game sold. Doesn’t sound like much, but considering the games’ popularity, it adds up.

And yet, the companies still aren’t happy.

“The amount being paid to the industry, even though their games are entirely dependent on the content that we own and control, is far too small,” says Edgar Bronfman jr. chairman of Warner Music Group.

Bronfman suggested that he wanted Warner to be less a supplier than a partner. “If that does not become the case, as far as Warner Music is concerned, we will not license to those games,” he said.

Set your reactions to facepalm, people. I know I am.

While I understand that downloading music may put the hurt on the music biz, at the same time, crying poor when you license your music out to video games which are primarily based around music? How about the fact that the music featured in the games is finding more and more new fans who would have otherwise not bothered with the likes of Aerosmith or Faith No More, who -in turn, are paying for the songs they heard by downloading them from iTunes?

Yep, you’re totally losing out here. Maybe you should charge ridiculous prices for CD’s and not give the artists a decent enough cut, leaving them to rely on touring and merch sales to get by. That’ll show ‘em.

…Oh wait.

As far as game developers go? Activision’s response isn’t that much better, with Activision’s CEO Robert Kotick suggesting that music labels should pay them for putting their songs in the games.

“When you look at the impact [Guitar Hero] can have on an Aerosmith, Van Halen or Metallica, it’s really significant,” Kotick told the Wall Street Journal. “So much so that you sort of question whether or not, in the case of those kinds of products, you should be paying any money at all and whether it should be the reverse.”

I’m curious as to how Kotick came to this conclusion without tripping balls. I weep for the future of Activision and Blizzard, seriously.

If you ask me, with the music business as it is now, record labels need all the help they can get. Why throw mud back in the faces of people who are making you money? As far as Activision goes, I think Mr. Kotick needs to be put back in his box.

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Katy Perry is a stupid bint (and a list of songs people need to stop listening to)

September 14th, 2008 Posted in Entertainment, Rants, Sights and Sounds
Sep, 14 2008
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For every step of progress in human decency, there’s always one person who seems to take it two steps back.

Congratulations Katy Perry, you’re a champ. Thanks for taking evolution back a notch with such pop “hits” as “UR So Gay” and “I Kissed A Girl”.

While being an insipid fuckstain isn’t new in the world of music, Ms. Perry takes it to a whole new level. Normally, I’d be impressed. I mean, offending a whole subculture of people with two measly songs? That takes skill… and a shitty dance beat with pointless immature vocals.

However, her pro champagne dyke/bi-curious fucktard anthem “I Kissed A Girl” is nothing to be congratulated. Not only does it suck, but it trivializes the whole bi/gay subculture. Same goes for her second single “UR So Gay”, which truly brings out the mentally impaired high-school dipshit neanderthal that Katy Perry truly is. For example:

I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf
While jacking off listening to Mozart
You bitch and moan about L.A.
Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway
You don’t eat meat and drive electrical cars
You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art
You need SPF45
Just to stay alive

Essentially, the sordid tale which inspired the song is that the dipshot got dumped by someone smarter, better traveled and better looking than her, and now she’s all butthurt because of it. Shit, at least Fall Out Boy got the angst down, a much-needed spice that Ms. Perry seems to miss from her homo-bashing tirade.

The girl Katy Perry kissed couldn't be reached for comment.
Above: The Girl Katy Perry Kissed.
who couldn’t be reached for comment

Even better yet, her excuse for the lyrics is as equally stupid:

“The fact of the matter is that we live in a very metrosexual world. You know, a girl might walk into a bar, meet a boy, and discover he’s more manicured than she is. And they can’t figure it out. Is he wearing foundation and a bit of bronzer? But he’s buying me drinks at the same time! “I’m not saying you’re so gay, you’re so lame. I’m saying, you’re so gay, but I don’t understand it because you don’t like boys!”

(Taken from Starpulse.com)

Pity I already gave away this month’s “Bitch, Please…” award. Katy could have been a shoe-in.

While I’m at it, thought I’d throw something else into this article as well.

“Songs that people need to stop listening to”
(aside from anything by Katy Perry)

-”Smooth” by Carlos Santana feat. Rob Thomas

While I am in no way denying Santana’s skill as a guitarist (though Rob Thomas definately needs to go away for a while, ’cause there’s only three or four Matchbox Twenty songs worth listening to), this song is as technically interesting as a sack of soggy dicks. Not necessarily a BAD song, but it’s a dull run-of-the-mill Muzak specialty that shouldn’t have charted.

-”My Sharona” by The Knack

Another Muzak smash hit (which I feel will be a theme in this list). There are some good 70′s songs, “My Sharona” isn’t one of them. The oft-praised bassline is like a jackhammer into my brain. Pull the damn plug already.

-”The Lovecats” by The Cure

It pains me to say this, as I love LOVE LOVE The Cure. But seriously people, they’ve done other, better songs. Stop with the playing, the covering, and the loving of cats. PLEASE!

-”Seven Nation Army” by The White Stripes

Like The Cure, Jack and Meg have done better songs. I suggest you check them out. While I’m at it, can all aspiring bass players PLEASE learn the concept of timing and rhythm? or AT LEAST LISTEN to the song before attempting the bassline to “Seven Nation Army”. Your fellow musicians will appreciate it.

-”Personal Jesus” by Marilyn Manson

If your shitty mallgoth cover can get slammed by a different cover of the same song by a drug-addled crusty old country singer, you have a problem. Furthermore, Manson has only done 3 decent cover songs… Two of which were on a rather sub-par release to begin with.

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The first monthly Rukusan.com “Bitch, Please…” award

September 12th, 2008 Posted in Entertainment
Sep, 12 2008
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Came up with this idea for my ‘writings’ page while at work (regulars to the boards will remember that I don’t actually think about the job at work because it’s so. fucking. boring.). Hopefully I get my shit into gear and this will be a recurring event, hence the “Monthly” in the title.

The award will be given to the retarded, the insipid and the just plain “WTF” kinds of people who make society both great and not-great. It will be given to celebs, forum regulars, drinking buddies, etc. and much fun will be had at their expense.

So who is the prestigious winner of the first annual award, and why do they get it as opposed to all the assholes out there who I could have given it to?

The recipient has been the subject of my ridicule a while now, which pains me because I actually don’t mind the recipient, even in large doses. However, the comments she has made are just too bullshit-worthy to ignore.

The winner of the first monthly Rukusan.com “Bitch, Please…” award is…

Madonna
Entertainer, actress, Kabblah-blah cultist

Born Madonna Louise Ciccone, “Madge” has been rocking concert halls since the 80′s. Constantly reinventing herself, she’s remained one of today’s most popular entertainers. In between singing, wearing pointy bras and shagging her hubby, Guy Ritchie, she’s also managed to act in a few movies and plop out a couple of kids. Oh, and she’s also one of those Kabbalah types to boot.

She receives the award today after I read an interview in the paper regarding her new album “Hard Candy”. In response to a question about an Australian tour, Madonna replied with something along the lines of “It’s too far and it’s too expensive, but I’ll try to get down there”.

Can’t argue with that I guess, until you notice the slew of bands, comedians, artists and fucking dog food chefs who come down to Australia who aren’t even half as popular as Madonna. Some of these include:

-Tegan and Sara

-Death Cab for Cutie

-Kaki King

-Bill Bailey

-Dylan Moran

-Billy Corgan/The Smashing Pumpkins

-VNV Nation

-Moby

-Foo Fighters

and the list goes on.

I don’t know about you, but after reading that list, it seems that Madge’s bullshit doesn’t really hold up.

Don’t get me wrong, I can understand the “too far” bit, I’m a lazy guy and I can appreciate her also being lazy. But considering that Tegan and Sara, an indie rock duo who have only been around the last couple of years and don’t seem like the type to have millions of dollars stashed away like other more popular artists can get down here TWICE between last and this year, I can’t help but want to headbutt Madonna in the face for being a douche.

Not convinced? Alright… Kaki King. Kaki fucking King. has been down here twice recently, both as a guest/opening performer for other artists and to plug her own shit. When her first album was released in 1996, she was still waitressing at a restaurant/bar thing. you cannot tell me that -12 years after that album, she’s earnt even half of what Madonna can earn, yet she can still get her arse down here. So what the hell is Madonna’s fucking problem?

Granted, maybe the only album of Madge’s that is worth listening to is “Ray of Light” but surely album sales haven’t dwindled that much that she can’t afford a measly trip to Australia.

In any case, congratulations Madge, you’ve certainly earnt it.

Honorable Mention:

Chris Crocker, mostly for his big whinge-fest about how YouTube doesn’t love him

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Probably better never than late: A Chris C(r)ocker rant

August 10th, 2008 Posted in Computers & Electronics, Entertainment, Rants
Aug, 10 2008
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Being someone who spends way too much time on the internet, I have my small handful of e-celeb favourites.

My main two being Ben Croshaw and Nate Burr (Yahtzee and Blunty3000, respectively). Others include Maddox, [GM]Dave (runs Bannable Offences), Azrael (runs Gaijin Smash), and Tucker Max.

I’m also prepared to give anything a chance. Even the man-hating lesbian tirades the housemate sends me. Most of them I like, too.

There is however, one person I cannot and will not like, ever.

This manbeast y’all may know as Chris Crocker (or insipid fuckstain, if you share the same opinion as me). Best known as the “Leave Britney Alone” guy, who is simultaneously loved, loathed and parodied by everyone.

I really don’t find the guy funny, not even in that homophobic “hah! look at the fag! Laugh at the fag!” sorta way. There is simply nothing to like about him. I find him to be pathetic, in that “I’m funny! Really! Watch as I draw attention to myself!”

Before you start assuming things, it’s NOT the gay thing. I like gay people. I couldn’t give a shit if Crocker was gay, straight, bi, black, white, yellow, blue…

Hell, It’d be awesome if he was blue. He’d be a lanky mongoloid attention whore smurf-like creature.

In any case, the fact he’s a raging homosexual matters not to The Ruku. The Ruku is tolerant of all walks of life, even if he does find some of them kinda weird. (more on that later, no doubt).

It’s the fact he’s totally and utterly obnoxious to the point of even making Jay (of Jay and Silent Bob fame) blush. It’s the fact that his 5 minute long diatribes about complete and utter bullshit are simply not all that funny. To hit this a little closer to home, Crocker reminds me of that guy in every social group who tries to fit in with the normally accepting crowd, but epically fails to the point where nobody likes him. Another analysis would be the guy who simply tries too hard to be funny and again, epically. fucking. fails.

It’s the fact that -for what he is, he’s extremely arrogant and thinks he’s God’s gift to the internet (or at least, YouTube), Case in point? His latest whinge-fest about how he’s leaving YouTube. His response to the fact that his 15 minutes of fame is waning is filled with so much immaturity and bitterness you’d think he uses Lemon Squeazy as mouthwash.

Even when he is being rather reserved (for someone who’s batshit insane), I don’t like him. In some of his “normal” videos, he still manages to be an obnoxious fucknut. The fact he manages to do this is beyond confusing. I guess it’s the fact that every “normal” video he does, there’s ten more of him dancing around like a fucking toilet-fishing retard.

I mean, yeah.. I guess Blunty’s equally longer diatribes about complete and utter bullshit are sometimes grating on my nerves too, but at least he kinda has an idea on how to put a humorous spin on things to redeem himself a little (ironically, the one Blunty3000 video where -without fail, I’ll look for more interesting pastures is his 10 minute long rant about Chris Crocker)

I had more to write, but frankly, I’ve wasted enough time dribbling on about this talentless bottom feeder.

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Fuck The Koreans! Nuke Them All!

August 4th, 2008 Posted in Gaming, Rants
Aug, 04 2008
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So I’m a hardcore gamer. I’ll play pretty much everything.

Hell, I even bought DOA X-treme 2 (mostly for the lulz, partly because I couldn’t think of a better way to throw money at a wall).

That being said, if I can think of two game genres that needs to be culled, I think of the following:

1) Games starring Mario

2) MMORPG’s

Now, I’m sure even the most HARDXXXCORE Nintendo fan will sort of agree with me. Mario’s overstayed his welcome, he needs to go. Hell, even Sega’s original mascot, Alex Kidd knew when to quit.

But why MMORPG’s? A game genre I oh-so love? Let me explain.

MMORPG’s (or for you Yahtzee fans out there, MUMORPUGERS!) are saturating the market.

Don’t get me wrong, I love World of Warcraft, I love Final Fantasy XI, and hell, I’ll say it; Dungeons and Dragons Online was pretty cool too… But for every decent MUMORPUGER, there’s some half-made Free to Play Korean piece of shit that’s not worth a damn.

And here’s the kicker: They’re all the same. Badly-animated grindfests filled with fucking retards who couldn’t be bothered playing the real deal.

Some are over-cluttered and make Microsoft Access a more entertaining option (I’m looking at YOU! RF Online!)

Some are for people who like throwing money at a wall (I’m looking at YOU! Habbo Hotel and Tales of Pirates!)

Hell, I even found one for people into Cyber Sex!

I have a final solution for the genre: Nuke the fucking lot and start over. The Final Boss of the Internet needs to just keep all the ones worthwhile and cull the rest.
So some people will be out of a job. Big fucking whoop. They can pool their efforts and actually have a crack at a DECENT game for once.

All this being said, don’t get me wrong. There are some good options out there for those who can’t/won’t pay the $20 or so a month on the decent ones (although, $20 isn’t a wallet-killer, and you probably spend that much on shit anyway, so what’s the problem?), but for the most part, they’re shit.

Nuke the fucking lot and start over.

It also doesn’t help that I have to sometimes deal with the level of pure retard that plays these games. For example, this guy I know had a fortnight-long whinge about losing $100 worth of items on Tales of Pirates, a so-called “free” MUMORPUGER.

That’s right, he spent $100 on a fucking in-game item. WTF?

Thankfully, Karma kicked him in the ass and he lost the item, which caused him shit bricks, which -in turn, caused him to spew 20 page diatribes about how he was wronged and all this shit.

That’s right, he shat bricks over an in-game item. WTF?

Sadly, I don’t have any quotable gems for you, but he not only gave me the low-down on a conversation topic I made clear I didn’t give a shit about (I even SUGGESTED another MUMORPUGER for him, to no avail.), but asked me if I knew how to hack into the Yahoo Mail servers so he could “exact revenge”.

Now, I know here I should really say “I’d probably do the same”, to grant this fool some sort of redemption from his stupidity, but let’s face it, I’m not that retarded as to:

-Play a crap game

-Play a crap online game that requires RMT to get the fancy shit.

ADDENDUM #1: RMT

RMT is short for “Real Money Trade”. A common practise in many MUMORPUGERs because people couldn’t be bothered earning all the good shit through hard work and grinding.

More often than not, you place an order with an online store, pay up, and in a day or two you get mass amounts of riches or they level up your character for you.

Nifty eh?

Well, not when you realize this is a massive Terms of Service breach and can get your character banned.

The reason it’s wrong is because it fucks up the in-game economy, which causes a less-than-enjoyable end product for the players.

That being said, there are variations (such as ones described above) that are part of the game, and are things I don’t really agree with. I don’t believe in crippling a game so players have to pay money for the good stuff (This means YOU! Habbo Hotel!). I understand we all need to make money somehow, but seriously. Start a premium service or actually make the game decent.

ADDENDUM #2: Redemption for the retarded

Ahoy there! Are you a MUMORPUGER enthusiast who recently got hit with a sack of stupid and spent $100 on cool items?

(I’m sorry Rifiki, but it’s like shooting fish in a barrel with you. Slow-moving drunk pants-on-head retarded fish who really need to master English.)

Or Are you someone new to the genre and would like to see why so many people are throwing money away to get addicted to the wonderful digital goodness which is online gaming?

Look no further! Since I spent a good hour ranting about shit online games, I’ve compiled a list of my favourites for you guys to peruse!

Just as an FYI, these are games that I’ve personally played. Don’t email me with your Age of Conans or whatever.

Here goes!:

World of Warcraft – Blizzard’s unkillable juggernaut set in the Warcraft universe.
US$15.00 per month or $40 for a 2 month timecard, $2 trial discs available from any decent game store.

World of Warcraft is your best bet if you’re an absolute newb and have money to burn. While one of the pricier games in the genre, it’s also one of the best online experiences you’ll have at the moment. Lots to do, excellent character creation options, and it doesn’t need an absolute powerhouse of a machine to run!

There’s an expansion available (The Burning Crusade), but it’s not 100% needed if you’re just starting out and aren’t too fussed about the extra races. There’s also another one on the way (Wrath of the Lich King).

EvE Online – Space combat/flight simulator.
$14.99 per month, timecards available but no-one seems to stock them, trial available to download.

EvE Online is a unique game in that there’s no plodding around to be done. It’s all about the spaceships, baby! Not a hell of a lot to do from what I’ve played, but then, I didn’t look too far into the whole combat thing (read: I sucked and kept getting my arse kicked). That being said, still worth checking out. If anything, for the absolutely jaw-dropping graphics.

PROTIP: You also don’t need to be logged into the game to upgrade skills. Unfortunately, it trains in real-time, which ranges from a couple of hours to days at a time.

I also heard they’re actually going to release an update to allow you to walk around space stations and interact with other players. If this is true, sign me the fuck up.

City of Villains – NCSoft’s stand-alone sequel to “City of Heroes”.
$14.99 per month. timecards available in some stores, Trial available to download.

City of Villains is a superhero-based MUMORPUGER where you can create your own supervillain and wreak havoc upon the city’s populace. It’s a unique setting, but kinda falls short, as it’s more of the same ol’ thing.

You can buy a copy of both City of Heroes and City of Villains for a decent price. Alternatively, if you’re already a City of Heroes subscriber, you can access all CoV content at no extra cost. Nifty eh?

Final Fantasy XI – Square-Enix’s online fantasy game.
$11.99 per month, trial available in some boxsets.

FFXI is what I’m playing at the moment. It’s one of the cheaper MUMORPUGERS out there. Falls short on the character creation options, but there’s still enough variety for it to work.

The cool part about FFXI, is that you’re not tied to one job. You can go back to your Mog House and switch at will. Sadly, you’ll also start off at level 1 again.

So far, no problems here. The PlayOnline software, however, will drive you batshit insane at first.

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