/writings/

Official blog and geeky manifesto of The Ruku

Hot for Scott Pilgrim

July 10th, 2010 Posted in Entertainment, Sights and Sounds
Jul, 10 2010
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Sorry about the lack of updates, kids. Real life is getting in the way of my internet life at the moment… Not sure if I’m cool with the idea.

Okay so, feast your eyes on this:

I have not been this excited about a movie since “The Dark Knight”. While many awesome movies have come and gone, this is certainly the one on my “must see” list. Seeing as most of you reading this would be on my Facebook list anyways, we’re going, right guys?

In other news, We (as in, me, Craeg and Corine, the core members of my chicken-shit outfit ‘Compound Fiasco Productions’) are moving onto production with Hell is Other People. How well this goes determines how I press on with other things I have brewing in this hairy scalp of mine. More on that later. Much later. For now, head over to the ‘Hell’ website to check out what we’re doing.

The spare time that has been granted to me, I’ve been playing Final Fantasy 13. Too early into the game to make a concrete opinion, but there’s as much to like about it as there is to hate about it. So far it’s pretty enjoyable all ’round.

Also, would like to make a small mention to another event that’s happening in August… I’m heading to the Sydney Opera House to see this guy called Kevin Smith, maybe you’ve heard of him?

He directed a bunch of movies once.

Just thought I’d gloat. ;)

Right, I have a party to go to tonight with a mate of mine.. This, of course means I’ll end up playing video games and leave everything in a mad rush to get ready.

Just want to leave you with one last video, namely one of my favourite bits (aside from all of it :P ) from “Evening With Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder”

Hope you’re all having a good weekend guys!

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A Drawn-Out Toy Story

June 23rd, 2010 Posted in Entertainment, Rants, Sights and Sounds
Jun, 23 2010
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So there’s a Toy Story 3 coming out…

Am I the only one who isn’t interested? Haven’t they said all there is to say in Toy Story 1 and 2?

Don’t get me wrong, I like cartoony movies still despite being 25. I intend on seeing ‘Up’ sometime this century… When I have money… Whenever that will be.
At any rate, seriously. What more can they do? They’ve done the “toy gets lost in the great outdoors” routine, and the “let’s introduce a bunch of forgettable characters and a love interest that isn’t Bo-Peep” routine. Aren’t the tales of Woody and Buzz pretty much done? From the sounds of things, Toy Story 3 is just the first one, but Andy is all grown up and ditches all his old toys. Yeesh, Give the kid years of entertainment and you’re out on your arse. That’s gratitude for you.

Perhaps I should just shut up and reserve judgement until I see it…eventually….in a galaxy far far away, but ehh. The idea of reviving a childhood favourite long after the second one had passed on seems like a bad idea to me. Case in point? motherfucking Shrek. We don’t need a Shrek Forever After, even if it was a gritty Sin City-styled reboot.

Though Shrek kicking the shit out of Elijah Wood would be delightful

Seriously Pixar, I know you mean well, but don’t reboot a series that doesn’t need to be made a trilogy. That will only lead onto Toy Story 4, 5, 6 if the film industry overall is anything to go by. Which -knowing how Hollywood loves reboots, Jessie will become a stripper/hired killer who needs to clear her name after being framed for a crime she didn’t commit. It’ll also guest-star Bruce Willis and Samuel L Jackson as themselves… In toy form…

…And they have lightsabers.

…… On second thought, gimme a week. I have a few phonecalls to make.

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Not even Swarley can save this shit

June 19th, 2010 Posted in Entertainment, Rants, Sights and Sounds
Jun, 19 2010
2 Comments »

So I finished making my overly busty Age of Conan character when I logged onto Facebook and saw this:

Really Sony? Really?!

Don’t get me wrong. I love those little blue bastards, even if they were communists. But I don’t want to see “our world” getting smurfed.

If a Smurfs movie has to be done, as someone who is a film enthusiast, pop culture junkie and aspiring director; I want this shit done right. I want the Smurf village, I want Gargamel, I want Johann and that other little dude…

"I want my shirts laundered"

If done right, a Smurfs movie would kick ass and I will be reserving final judgement until I see it. But going by that trailer, I don’t think even Dr. Horrible himself could do any sort of science to save this pile of crap.

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Movies That Should be in 3D

March 8th, 2010 Posted in Entertainment, Humour, Observations, Rants, Sights and Sounds
Mar, 08 2010
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Ahh 3D. Bringing our old-hat 2D films to life via the use of cinema trickery and goofy glasses which inexplicably get goofier as the technology improves. It’s certainly a novelty someone should experience at least once. That way, instead of retelling stories of life experience and passing on knowledge to their grandchildren, you can tell them you saw Avatar and how you felt you were actually there… Or something like that.

Shut up Grandpa, nobody gives a shit

Despite my apprehension when things are remade and remastered (though, I’ll certainly turn a blind eye if someone out there can make a Max Payne movie that isn’t tragically shit), there are just some films out there that were meant to be in 3D. What’s the point of using this technology if all you’re going to blow it on is Tim Burton movies and a movie which could very well be described as Pocahontas-meets-Fern-Gully on Steroids? Hollywood, if you’re listening, here’s some suggestions.

Back to the Future

A series of movies which made DeLoreans look awesome, Michael J Fox a household name (well, beyond “that guy in Family Ties” and later, “that guy with Parkinson’s”) and gave its fans a bunch of catchphrases which I’m sure will be passed on to later generations. I mean, calling someone a Butt-head is timeless, right?

Why it should be in 3D:

This one’s a no brainer. Despite bring nearly 30 years old now, the Back to the Future movies still pack a visual punch which completely complements the dialogue. There is no way you can convince me that a 3D upgrade of this is a terrible idea. I mean, you have a time-traveling vehicles, hoverboards, skateboards, cowboys, indians and of course, Biff Tannen.

"Wow, it's like Biff's actually there! ...Oh wait"

Why it shouldn’t be in 3D:

I could gush all freaking day about these movies, but let’s face it. Hoverboards don’t exist yet and it kills us. Having Back to the Future 2 in 3D will only add insult to injury.

On the upside, 2015 is only five years away.

Star Wars

Going with the “movies I grew up watching” theme, if we’re going to be seeing hoverboards and DeLoreans flying at our faces, why not the Millennium Falcon?

Why it should be in 3D:

I’m surprised this hasn’t been done before. With all the whoring Lucas does of his beloved franchise, he didn’t think “wait a second, we could just re-re-re-release the original trilogy in 3D” until after the release of freaking Avatar? Come on.

If you need convincing, think about the films for a minute. How many damned spaceships fly at the freaking screen in just the original Star Wars trilogy? About a million? Case closed right there.

Why it shouldn’t be in 3D:

Should we be encouraging George Lucas to keep whoring out Star Wars? Besides, if the original trilogy is released in 3D, we all know the prequels aren’t that far behind.

The Matrix

Despite spawning two kickass-yet-mediocre sequels and responsible for a metric fuckton of “bullet time” sequences in every damn conceivable format ever (I’m pretty sure they’re trying to bring it to FM radio now), The Matrix is a film which has firmly lodged itself into the collective minds of every sci-fi nut since it’s release.

Sure Keanu Reeves has a limited range of emotions but damnit, that film kicked the ass off of anything else released that year… Except for maybe Dogma, which also features a trenchcoat wearing hero. Does anyone else see a pattern here?

There are no Snoogans

Why it should be in 3D:

Not to keep fellating Back to the Future here, but “Think McFly! Think!”.

Tell me this wouldn't look awesome in 3D

The movie is already practically in 3D with all the bullet time and Matrix code going on. They may as well take that one step further and project Neo in all his bullet-dodging, kung-fu’ing, trenchcoat wearing glory onto your damn eyeballs already. Hell, even Reloaded and Revolutions would be worth seeing in 3D. Car chase, anyone? How about the humans raging against the machine at the battle to save Zion?

Why it shouldn’t be in 3D:

While I did say the sequels would be worth watching in 3D, they still won’t make any god-damned sense.

Watchmen

I’m sure I could mention other films in it’s place, like the equally good Sin City, but Zack Snyder’s Watchmen is by far my favourite comic book movie and one of the better movies that came out last year. While not even as half as well known as say, Spider-man or X-Men, the comic and the movie still manages to keep hold of a loyal legion of fans. The only disappointment I had with it is that I didn’t get into comics until recently.

Why it should be in 3D:

While there’s not as much to work with for 3D presentation as some of the other movies I’ve mentioned, it has it’s moments. Like the entire damn opening scene. Even the rest of the movie is enough to work with, if they play their cards right. Like you wouldn’t want to see Rorschach saying “Tell me what you see” inches away from your face.

Why it shouldn’t be in 3D:

Well… This could also be inches away from your face:

Serenity

What happens when you get a TV series by Joss Whedon canceled before it’s prime, lots of rabid fans and their unwavering support and a charismatic male lead who could easily out-badass Han Solo without trying? The space western movie Serenity, based on the TV series Firefly.

Serenity would be the Generation Y’s equivalent of Star Wars, right down to the story formula of “bunch of cocky rebels take on huge empire”. In fact, despite the fact I’m a huge Star Wars nerd? Totally prefer Serenity. Excuse me while I sit back and watch every sci-fi nerd’s head explode from that statement.

Why it should be in 3D:

In continuation of the “This generation’s Star Wars” theme, Serenity also has its fair share of space combat and firefights. Not to mention the complete clusterfuck of awesome which happens on Miranda. There is no arguing that watching Serenity in 3D would be a memorable experience.

Besides, we all want to get just that bit closer to Summer Glau

Why it shouldn’t be in 3D:

As it was based on a TV series and as much as Whedon did certainly try to make the movie as stand-alone as possible, you still need to know the basic gist of Firefly to understand what’s going on and frankly? You’re not going to be able to marathon even the key episodes of the show and then expect people to watch a two hour movie without some sort of discourse…. Or toilet breaks.

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The Purest Feeling: An open-minded look at ‘Pretty Hate Machine’

June 30th, 2009 Posted in Entertainment, Observations, Sights and Sounds
Jun, 30 2009
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Normally I’d reserve this shit for Twitter, but a 140 character limit isn’t exactly too forgiving and I intend to get my wordiness on.

Gave Nine Inch Nails’ Pretty Hate Machine a good listen just now, probably the first time in a few years to be honest (I was never a fan of PHM/Broken, even NIN’s magnum opus, The Downward Spiral I found to be a bit grating).

I mean I had the usual staples of “Terrible Lie” and “Something I Can Never Have” on rotation like any Nine Inch Nails fan worth their salt should do, but everything else I felt was pretty off-putting, considering this was the same guy who felt screaming “God is dead” at the top of his lungs was a productive form of stress relief.

So I chuck the disc in, intending to just crank up one of the songs that didn’t suck and then swap to something else. Then I got lazy and just left the disc playing through the tracklist…

…Then it dawned on me, like I’ve just ate shrooms and realized that humanity is all one consciousness or something: Pretty Hate Machine is pretty fucking good for a first effort.
Maybe not as lyrically deep as say, ‘The Fragile’ or even ‘Year Zero’ and let’s just not get started on the music aspect. But in spite of that, it’s still something worth checking out if you’re into the sort of music Nine Inch Nails does.

Hell, even if you’re a newcomer to industrial rock and don’t know Al Jourgensen from Al Bundy, check it out. Think of it as “My First Not-Quite-Industrial Album”.

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Evolve or die.

January 12th, 2009 Posted in Entertainment, Rants, Sights and Sounds
Jan, 12 2009
3 Comments »

One thing that’s been bugging me long before I even started this blog is the whole stance on file-sharing. Namely it’s detractors such as recording companies.

What particularly pisses me off is the fact that artists claim that filesharing is “killing the industry” or otherwise blame their shitty record sales on it. One particular article caught my eye recently during a night of Wikibashing that involved an interview with Gene Simmons from KISS. Here’s what the old geezer had to say:

“In all seriousness, it’s unfortunate, the record industry is dead, it’s six feet underground, and

Gene Simmons. More businessman than musician

Gene Simmons. More businessman than musician

unfortunately, the fans have done this they’ve decided to download and file-share, there’s no record industry around, and we’re gonna wait until everybody settles down and becomes civilized and as soon as the record industry pops its head, we’ll record new material.”

Yes, because let’s just ignore the fact the last album KISS released was another Greatest Hits we didn’t need. Of course people are going to stop giving a shit once you start milking your old tunes for all they’re worth, write some new material and people will buy it. It makes sense to me.

Now, I’m not saying anyone who claims that “downloading music is killing the industry” is entirely wrong. It’s not right by any stretch of the imagination, but it has it’s advantages. I, for one would not have heard of a great deal of music I now listen to if it weren’t for file-sharing and I am always continually finding new music to check out, one of the more recent finds being Steampunk/Industrial band Abney Park. More often than not, I usually buy CD’s of the artists I like, so effectively, the record label gains one more customer in the end. Granted, not every person buys a CD after downloading it, but such people do exist.

Radiohead. They (sorta) got it.

Radiohead. They (sorta) got it.

What I also find amusing is that major artists are also taking the digital route. Alternative band Radiohead released their album In Rainbows online in 2007 for a limited time, allowing customers to effectively pay what they think is reasonable. While the digital distribution offer is no longer available, Radiohead effectively set the mark which other like-minded artists followed.

One particular case being Trent Reznor, frontman for Nine Inch Nails. Formerly a detractor of downloading music, has since changed his tune.

A blog article at the time had Reznor slamming the Universal Music Group for it’s pricing of Year Zero compared to Avril Lavigne’s then-recent effort. Reznor then went on to release Ghosts 1 and The Slip for free on the Nine Inch Nails website in 2008, with a CD version released soon after in stores worldwide.

Trent Reznor. He gets it.

Trent Reznor. He gets it.

To paraphrase a line from Thank You For Smoking, People need to pay their mortgage, so the business model adopted by these artists might not be ideal for everyone. However, with the internet being the Goliath that it is and the amount of music already available online (legal or otherwise), record companies have no reason to be crying poor if they aren’t adapting to newer business models using the technology available to them. Despite the RIAA’s claims that they provide an “equally good alternative to file sharing”, I doubt it’s enough to get people off of Demonoid. Like anything, they need to evolve, or die and make way for the newer, more flexible entities.

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Movie Review: The Mummy – Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor

November 10th, 2008 Posted in Entertainment, Sights and Sounds
Nov, 10 2008
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I don’t mind when a movie sequel follows the same formula as its predecessors. I also don’t mind the occasional “bad” film. Especially when it shows a lot of promise, but still misses the mark. You can still switch off the DVD or walk out of the cinema thinking “well, it could have been worse…”

Which brings me to the new Mummy film, “The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor”. TOTDM once again drags adventurer Rick O’Connell and his history buff bookworm of a wife Evie into another action packed adventure against the undead.

Imhotep doesn’t return for a third flick, I’m assuming because he’s had his arse raped like a Catholic alterboy twice already so he’s just let sleeping mummies lie. Instead the movie begins in ancient China, where Han, a ruthless warlord conquers all who oppose him and becomes the first Emperor of China (talk about Han shooting first, eh?). He orders the Great Wall to be built, and the bodies of his enemies to be buried within it. Realizing that taking over the world is a long-ass job that requires more than one lifetime, he calls in Zi Yuan to find the secret of immortality. In exchange for making Han immortal, Zi Yuan requests that she spend her life with Han’s General. Some arcane trickery and Han murdering General Ming occurs, and Zi Yuan reveals that she in fact put a curse on Han and his men, who promptly get encased in Carbonite turned to terracotta and thus, becoming the Terracotta Army.

Fast forward to 1946. Despite living in retirement from the espionage biz, Rick and Evie accept a job to take The Eye of Shangri-La to a museum curator in Shanghai. Of course, not is all as it seems and Rick and Evie are once again thrust into the middle of another undead kill-a-thon with Johnathan (Evie’s brother) and Alex (Evie and Rick’s son) in tow.

I tried to like ‘Tomb of the Dragon Emperor’, I really did. I thought it’d be a neat Jade Empire-Meets-Indiana Jones movie, but it’s one of those films where it falls flat on its face from the weight of trying to be epic. It’s a good premise, a GREAT premise, but it was simply not meant to be (and it pains me to say that).

The main problem I have with the movie is the fact that they not only changed the actress who plays Evie, but completely changed the character into a more Lara Croft kinda gal. This time around Evie is played by Maria Bello, whose notable roles include the Piper Perabo career launcher backfire/complete dog turd of a film ‘Coyote Ugly’, and a role in ‘Thank You For Smoking’.
Bello’s portrayal of Evie is painful, to say the least. Her main problem (aside from not being Rachel Weisz) is that the script calls for her to be way too many things at once. A posh tea-drinking author one minute, an ass-kicking Lara Croft-esque action hero the next and then a concerned mother and wife after that. Multitasking may be the woman’s domain, but seriously.

This is one of the big things that shit me about hollywood (and sequels in particular), I don’t mind if the writers mix things up a little, really! But if you can’t get the original actor to play the role, write the role out. It doesn’t help when Maria Bello doesn’t really fit the role all that well. While this would normally provide a minor annoyance to my overall opinion of the film, having Bello play Evie could be likened to when Black Sabbath had Tony Martin as lead vocalist. It just. Doesn’t. Work.

The other characters aren’t as annoying and generally make good on their roles. Hats off to Brendan Fraser and -to a lesser extent, Michelle Yeoh for pretty much saving the film for me. Jet Li makes for a good titular villain, though he could have done with a tighter script. The only other character I didn’t actually like all that much was Alex O’Connell, played by Luke Ford. While not particularly a bad peformance, he tries too hard to emulate the mannerisms of Fraser’s character whilst at the same time trying to keep a sense of individuality to it, that it comes off feeling a bit forced and making the character look like a complete chump.

Special effects once again are brilliant, especially the undead creatures. Some of them (especially near the end) are a tad overblown, but they work. No real complaints here.

All in all, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor isn’t a good film. It simply tries way too hard to be the most epic of the trilogy, but it simply doesn’t match up to the brilliance of the first film, or the second film, where the only real complaint I have against it is that Dwayne Johnston thinks that just because he pretended to beat the shit out of people for a good 10 years of his life, he can apparently act.

That said, it does have some minor saving graces and it’s still somewhat enjoyable. If anything, to see Brendan Fraser once again stomp a few undead colons. He’s like this generation’s Bruce Campbell. y’know, without the chin.

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DVD Review: Spaced

September 26th, 2008 Posted in Entertainment, Sights and Sounds
Sep, 26 2008
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Late to the game again am I? Drat!

So being Australian and thus, in a country where we get everyone else’s sloppy seconds when it comes to home entertainment has been a spot of bother for me many a time. One of these, is that -despite the fact it’s been released everywhere else, Australia has totally missed out on a british sitcom known as Spaced.

Yes, despite the fact that Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz (and to a lesser extent, their cameos in Black Books and other films/TV shows) have propelled Simon Pegg and Nick Frost into household names of sorts, the brilliant albeit somewhat flawed series which made them household names everyfuckingwhere else seems to have fallen to the wayside because people are too busy watching Matt Lucas and David Walliams act like utter fuckbends in Little Britain.

I, due to a multitude of contacts (read: searched ebay) have finally nabbed a copy of the definitive 3 Disc edition of Spaced, which contains both seasons plus an extra disc of interviews and other bits and bobs.

For those who are also Australian don’t know much about the show, Spaced focuses on the lives of Tim Bisley (Simon Pegg) and Daisy Steiner (Jess Hynes) two good friends who pretend to be a couple in order to move into a flat in Tufnell Park. Hilarity ensues as they try to keep the facade up among the prying eyes of their landlord Marsha (Julia Deakin) and their conceptual artist neighbour Brian (Mark Heap). Other characters include Daisy’s friend Twist (Katy Carmichael) and Tim’s friend, Mike (Nick Frost).

So how is Spaced? It’s hard to explain, as it both hits home for the viewer (especially those who actually get all the pop culture references), as well as being somewhat distanced from reality. Not to froth fanboyishly over it, but the end result is nothing I’ve really seen until now. Sure, what’s there has been DONE before, but not in the winning combination that Spaced has cooked up.

Spaced as a whole, is brilliant. Pegg and Hynes play that “awkward profressional couple” angle well enough that it’s almost believable. Everyone else also do a great job with their roles and there are only a few times where a character will skip a beat. What makes the characters all the more loveable, is that they’re the kind of people you’d probably know in real life. Spaced is very much one of those shows where you’ll be comparing characters to your friends/family/pets.

My main problem with the show however, is that it kinda relies a little too much on pop culture. So your household’s avid watcher of Keeping Up Appearances might want to skip this one.

As far as the extras go? There is a reason why this is the “collector’s” or “definitive” edition. Both the season discs and the special features disc are chock-a-block with deleted scenes, outtakes, commentary, and much more. One feature of note is the lengthy “making of”, which goes into the history of the series, and interviews pretty much every man, woman, child and lycanthrope involved in the series. Great value for money here.

All in all, a great package of probably one of the best British sitcoms ever made.

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Katy Perry is a stupid bint (and a list of songs people need to stop listening to)

September 14th, 2008 Posted in Entertainment, Rants, Sights and Sounds
Sep, 14 2008
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For every step of progress in human decency, there’s always one person who seems to take it two steps back.

Congratulations Katy Perry, you’re a champ. Thanks for taking evolution back a notch with such pop “hits” as “UR So Gay” and “I Kissed A Girl”.

While being an insipid fuckstain isn’t new in the world of music, Ms. Perry takes it to a whole new level. Normally, I’d be impressed. I mean, offending a whole subculture of people with two measly songs? That takes skill… and a shitty dance beat with pointless immature vocals.

However, her pro champagne dyke/bi-curious fucktard anthem “I Kissed A Girl” is nothing to be congratulated. Not only does it suck, but it trivializes the whole bi/gay subculture. Same goes for her second single “UR So Gay”, which truly brings out the mentally impaired high-school dipshit neanderthal that Katy Perry truly is. For example:

I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf
While jacking off listening to Mozart
You bitch and moan about L.A.
Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway
You don’t eat meat and drive electrical cars
You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art
You need SPF45
Just to stay alive

Essentially, the sordid tale which inspired the song is that the dipshot got dumped by someone smarter, better traveled and better looking than her, and now she’s all butthurt because of it. Shit, at least Fall Out Boy got the angst down, a much-needed spice that Ms. Perry seems to miss from her homo-bashing tirade.

The girl Katy Perry kissed couldn't be reached for comment.
Above: The Girl Katy Perry Kissed.
who couldn’t be reached for comment

Even better yet, her excuse for the lyrics is as equally stupid:

“The fact of the matter is that we live in a very metrosexual world. You know, a girl might walk into a bar, meet a boy, and discover he’s more manicured than she is. And they can’t figure it out. Is he wearing foundation and a bit of bronzer? But he’s buying me drinks at the same time! “I’m not saying you’re so gay, you’re so lame. I’m saying, you’re so gay, but I don’t understand it because you don’t like boys!”

(Taken from Starpulse.com)

Pity I already gave away this month’s “Bitch, Please…” award. Katy could have been a shoe-in.

While I’m at it, thought I’d throw something else into this article as well.

“Songs that people need to stop listening to”
(aside from anything by Katy Perry)

-”Smooth” by Carlos Santana feat. Rob Thomas

While I am in no way denying Santana’s skill as a guitarist (though Rob Thomas definately needs to go away for a while, ’cause there’s only three or four Matchbox Twenty songs worth listening to), this song is as technically interesting as a sack of soggy dicks. Not necessarily a BAD song, but it’s a dull run-of-the-mill Muzak specialty that shouldn’t have charted.

-”My Sharona” by The Knack

Another Muzak smash hit (which I feel will be a theme in this list). There are some good 70′s songs, “My Sharona” isn’t one of them. The oft-praised bassline is like a jackhammer into my brain. Pull the damn plug already.

-”The Lovecats” by The Cure

It pains me to say this, as I love LOVE LOVE The Cure. But seriously people, they’ve done other, better songs. Stop with the playing, the covering, and the loving of cats. PLEASE!

-”Seven Nation Army” by The White Stripes

Like The Cure, Jack and Meg have done better songs. I suggest you check them out. While I’m at it, can all aspiring bass players PLEASE learn the concept of timing and rhythm? or AT LEAST LISTEN to the song before attempting the bassline to “Seven Nation Army”. Your fellow musicians will appreciate it.

-”Personal Jesus” by Marilyn Manson

If your shitty mallgoth cover can get slammed by a different cover of the same song by a drug-addled crusty old country singer, you have a problem. Furthermore, Manson has only done 3 decent cover songs… Two of which were on a rather sub-par release to begin with.

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Zwan: A Retrospective

August 29th, 2008 Posted in Entertainment, Rants, Sights and Sounds
Aug, 29 2008
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Ahh Billy, where did you go wrong?

I loved the Smashing Pumpkins, every single last damn song… Aside from a few on Machina and Adore, that is. All in all, I was hooked. A fan, I even bought an overpriced imported “ZERO” shirt to be just like you.

Except with hair.

So time passes and the Pumpkins split, and in its ashes formed a new band. The Alt-Rock miniGod sayeth: “Let it be called Zwan”, and it was made so.

And for a time, it was good. Billy and his hetero life-mate Jimmy Chamberlin’ teamed up with David Pajo, Matt Sweeney and Paz Lenchantin (who, by the way, still sits in my top 10 hot rock chicks list to this day) to form the band and record an album.

As much as it was pretty ‘naff, I liked Zwan’s only album Mary Star of the Sea. It was an underdog of Alternative Rock, but was a good album on its own merits. While it was odd hearing Billy be all happy and not claiming the world is a vampire or that God was empty, songs like Lyric and Honestly were the soundtrack of my later years in High School and the fact it was something a friend bought for me because I was short on cash made the album all the more sentimental for little ol’ me.

Musically, the album was pretty tight. It faltered in some parts, but nothing that detracted from… you know the deal by now. All in all, a good addition to a Pumpkins/Corgan enthusiast.

However, it wasn’t all good. For some reason, it seems Billy Corgan (or Billy Burke, as it says in the liner notes… fucking weirdo) had a concussion and forgot all of what it took to make a hit album. My copy of MSOTS came with a DVD, which had little snippets of some fucking great songs like Spilled Milk, My Life and Times, God’s Gonna Set This World On Fire and my personal favourite Rivers You Can’t Cross.

As good as these songs where, they didn’t make it on the album.

Why Billy? Is the alt-rock miniGod himself doubting his own material? Did we have another Aeroplane Flies High in the mix where you’ll shove all the good shit into a boxset?

Before such questions were answered and around the same time a side project named Djali Zwan was mentioned, the band split like so many bananas in a retaurant… or something like that. Billy sited drug/relationship problems within the band, I personally think he caught someone drinking milk from the carton or something, but whatever.

It’s okay Billy, I’m not mad. I even bought your solo album when it was released (CameraEye FTW!), but seriously, nobody gives a shit about your egomaniacal hissy fits anymore. Time to start mellowing, you bald git.

Oh, and if you cause the Pumpkins to split again, I’m going to hurt you.

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