So I’m a hardcore gamer. I’ll play pretty much everything.
Hell, I even bought DOA X-treme 2 (mostly for the lulz, partly because I couldn’t think of a better way to throw money at a wall).
That being said, if I can think of two game genres that needs to be culled, I think of the following:
1) Games starring Mario
2) MMORPG’s
Now, I’m sure even the most HARDXXXCORE Nintendo fan will sort of agree with me. Mario’s overstayed his welcome, he needs to go. Hell, even Sega’s original mascot, Alex Kidd knew when to quit.
But why MMORPG’s? A game genre I oh-so love? Let me explain.
MMORPG’s (or for you Yahtzee fans out there, MUMORPUGERS!) are saturating the market.
Don’t get me wrong, I love World of Warcraft, I love Final Fantasy XI, and hell, I’ll say it; Dungeons and Dragons Online was pretty cool too… But for every decent MUMORPUGER, there’s some half-made Free to Play Korean piece of shit that’s not worth a damn.
And here’s the kicker: They’re all the same. Badly-animated grindfests filled with fucking retards who couldn’t be bothered playing the real deal.
Some are over-cluttered and make Microsoft Access a more entertaining option (I’m looking at YOU! RF Online!)
Some are for people who like throwing money at a wall (I’m looking at YOU! Habbo Hotel and Tales of Pirates!)
Hell, I even found one for people into Cyber Sex!
I have a final solution for the genre: Nuke the fucking lot and start over. The Final Boss of the Internet needs to just keep all the ones worthwhile and cull the rest.
So some people will be out of a job. Big fucking whoop. They can pool their efforts and actually have a crack at a DECENT game for once.
All this being said, don’t get me wrong. There are some good options out there for those who can’t/won’t pay the $20 or so a month on the decent ones (although, $20 isn’t a wallet-killer, and you probably spend that much on shit anyway, so what’s the problem?), but for the most part, they’re shit.
Nuke the fucking lot and start over.
It also doesn’t help that I have to sometimes deal with the level of pure retard that plays these games. For example, this guy I know had a fortnight-long whinge about losing $100 worth of items on Tales of Pirates, a so-called “free” MUMORPUGER.
That’s right, he spent $100 on a fucking in-game item. WTF?
Thankfully, Karma kicked him in the ass and he lost the item, which caused him shit bricks, which -in turn, caused him to spew 20 page diatribes about how he was wronged and all this shit.
That’s right, he shat bricks over an in-game item. WTF?
Sadly, I don’t have any quotable gems for you, but he not only gave me the low-down on a conversation topic I made clear I didn’t give a shit about (I even SUGGESTED another MUMORPUGER for him, to no avail.), but asked me if I knew how to hack into the Yahoo Mail servers so he could “exact revenge”.
Now, I know here I should really say “I’d probably do the same”, to grant this fool some sort of redemption from his stupidity, but let’s face it, I’m not that retarded as to:
-Play a crap game
-Play a crap online game that requires RMT to get the fancy shit.
ADDENDUM #1: RMT
RMT is short for “Real Money Trade”. A common practise in many MUMORPUGERs because people couldn’t be bothered earning all the good shit through hard work and grinding.
More often than not, you place an order with an online store, pay up, and in a day or two you get mass amounts of riches or they level up your character for you.
Nifty eh?
Well, not when you realize this is a massive Terms of Service breach and can get your character banned.
The reason it’s wrong is because it fucks up the in-game economy, which causes a less-than-enjoyable end product for the players.
That being said, there are variations (such as ones described above) that are part of the game, and are things I don’t really agree with. I don’t believe in crippling a game so players have to pay money for the good stuff (This means YOU! Habbo Hotel!). I understand we all need to make money somehow, but seriously. Start a premium service or actually make the game decent.
ADDENDUM #2: Redemption for the retarded
Ahoy there! Are you a MUMORPUGER enthusiast who recently got hit with a sack of stupid and spent $100 on cool items?
(I’m sorry Rifiki, but it’s like shooting fish in a barrel with you. Slow-moving drunk pants-on-head retarded fish who really need to master English.)
Or Are you someone new to the genre and would like to see why so many people are throwing money away to get addicted to the wonderful digital goodness which is online gaming?
Look no further! Since I spent a good hour ranting about shit online games, I’ve compiled a list of my favourites for you guys to peruse!
Just as an FYI, these are games that I’ve personally played. Don’t email me with your Age of Conans or whatever.
Here goes!:
World of Warcraft – Blizzard’s unkillable juggernaut set in the Warcraft universe.
US$15.00 per month or $40 for a 2 month timecard, $2 trial discs available from any decent game store.
World of Warcraft is your best bet if you’re an absolute newb and have money to burn. While one of the pricier games in the genre, it’s also one of the best online experiences you’ll have at the moment. Lots to do, excellent character creation options, and it doesn’t need an absolute powerhouse of a machine to run!
There’s an expansion available (The Burning Crusade), but it’s not 100% needed if you’re just starting out and aren’t too fussed about the extra races. There’s also another one on the way (Wrath of the Lich King).
EvE Online – Space combat/flight simulator.
$14.99 per month, timecards available but no-one seems to stock them, trial available to download.
EvE Online is a unique game in that there’s no plodding around to be done. It’s all about the spaceships, baby! Not a hell of a lot to do from what I’ve played, but then, I didn’t look too far into the whole combat thing (read: I sucked and kept getting my arse kicked). That being said, still worth checking out. If anything, for the absolutely jaw-dropping graphics.
PROTIP: You also don’t need to be logged into the game to upgrade skills. Unfortunately, it trains in real-time, which ranges from a couple of hours to days at a time.
I also heard they’re actually going to release an update to allow you to walk around space stations and interact with other players. If this is true, sign me the fuck up.
City of Villains – NCSoft’s stand-alone sequel to “City of Heroes”.
$14.99 per month. timecards available in some stores, Trial available to download.
City of Villains is a superhero-based MUMORPUGER where you can create your own supervillain and wreak havoc upon the city’s populace. It’s a unique setting, but kinda falls short, as it’s more of the same ol’ thing.
You can buy a copy of both City of Heroes and City of Villains for a decent price. Alternatively, if you’re already a City of Heroes subscriber, you can access all CoV content at no extra cost. Nifty eh?
Final Fantasy XI – Square-Enix’s online fantasy game.
$11.99 per month, trial available in some boxsets.
FFXI is what I’m playing at the moment. It’s one of the cheaper MUMORPUGERS out there. Falls short on the character creation options, but there’s still enough variety for it to work.
The cool part about FFXI, is that you’re not tied to one job. You can go back to your Mog House and switch at will. Sadly, you’ll also start off at level 1 again.
So far, no problems here. The PlayOnline software, however, will drive you batshit insane at first.